It starts with a small feeling of sadness,
Which rapidly grows into some kind of madness,
As if someone else is taking over my mind,
And with all her might she is pushing me behind.
It is easy for her because I hardly put up any fight,
It feels easier to let go & give up my right.
I then hope to find some relief,
After putting someone else in the driving seat.
But it never turns out according to plan,
Somehow instead of relief, an internal conflict began.
I cannot see or think straight,
Inside me there is a constant debate.
I don’t like where this person is taking me,
The train of thoughts she is forcing on me.
The memories are mine but I don’t recognize the pain,
Somehow she convinces me that it is real and mine to retain.
The screaming grows louder and the pain becomes intense,
Even though I am breathing, I feel suffocated in every sense.
I cannot do anything about it anymore,
Because I gave her the rights long before.
She managed to put me at the bottom of a well,
Surrounded by pain and screams from hell.
Sometimes I manage to escape,
To find a safe haven where I hide behind some sort of drape.
Sometime I lose and drown in my own mind,
And she chooses death over life for the body I left behind.
I have been living in this circle forever now,
Sometimes victorious & sometimes nearly dead somehow.
Now I know that fate has something else planned for me,
Otherwise why would death always flee.
I have been saved twice from an ill fate,
I think its because there are other lives that I have to save.
I always wondered but never managed to discuss…
Do we drown in depression or does depression drown us?
So I started from the very basics,
And gradually went up the psychophysics.
Depression is feeling of severe despondency and dejection,
Death by submersion in & inhalation of liquid is drowning’s definition.
You see the difference in the definition,
But I know that depression and drowning are the same condition.
The only difference is that you can see when someone is drowning in water,
But you can’t see someone drowning in depression.
You can hear a drowning person shouting for help,
But you can’t pick up the subtle clues that a depressed person sends.
A drowned person will still give you three minutes to be saved,
But a person drowned in depression leaves no hope to be saved.